All Things Girl (www.allthingsgirl.com) (June/July 2005 issue) launches tomorrow! I am psyched about this one more than any other because it's my first issue as Editor of the Women in Business Section. I also have contributions in many of the other sections. I've been able to see how the ezine is put together using movable type software by a special group of women (including myself :-) who live on different continents! I've seen the issue behind the scenes and it's one of the best. Lots of great content in every section. Enjoy the issue and I hope to get some feedback on the Women in Business Section!

This moment. When a co-worker retired 2 years ago we all wished him well and sent him off with a wonderful parting gift; two tickets to Paris – one for himself and one for his wife. He and his wife had other travel plans, too, including a Hawaiian cruise and a trip to Japan.

He had been a Manager who worked long hours and whose wife stayed at home. He sometimes mentioned that he felt guilty for always working. He also talked about how he looked forward to spending more time with his wife and seeing the world together with her. About one month after his retirement she died of a massive stroke.

I had never met her but her death impacted me all the same and looking back, I know it was her death that prompted me to begin to live my life differently.

Chores. Failures. Time passing.
Seasons ending. The way something was said.

Before her death I’d say these were the things in life of which I was most aware. I was constantly playing catch up and working to get to a place where I could finally enjoy life – but somehow I never seemed to reach that place. I felt like my life had been put on hold years before.

Her death prompted an interval of soul searching for me and I soon realized that had it been me – had I suddenly died that night – I would not have been able to say I had lived life to the fullest. This was my wake-up call. And I listened.

I began to look at life through the eyes of my daughters, then ages 5 and 3 ½. Like them, I played more and worried less. Mostly, I stopped waiting for the future to arrive and started living now. Truth is, as her death made me keenly aware, I wasn’t guaranteed a future but I realized I had something even more precious – this moment – and I am so thankful for it.

Playing. Laughter. How good sunshine feels.
Spontaneity. Honesty. That I opened my eyes this morning.

Today, these are the things in life of which I am most aware and I live moment by moment appreciating each one that has been given to me.

And now, on a hot, summer day when the sprinkler is on – I kick off my shoes, run through it and laugh – just like my children.

The Talk On Mother’s Day it finally happened, my 7-year-old daughter and I had ‘the talk’. Mind you it was a scaled down, age-appropriate version of ‘the talk’ but that didn’t make a difference to me. It was still new territory and even with the scaled-down version I had trouble getting the words out.

“Do you get a baby just because you hope for one?” my daughter asked. I thought of a girlfriend who had tried for years, unsuccessfully, to get pregnant and answered, “no, honey, it involves more than that”. For such a simple question there was so much to explain. I didn’t say any more but stopped there, wondering just how much information I should share. I decided that it would be best to let her prompt me if she wanted to talk about it more.

Through the rear view mirror I could see that she was concentrating on a thought and assumed she was either thinking about my answer or coming up with more questions. Then she smiled, her eyes sparkling, and I sensed another question was heading my way. I had the feeling this one was going to be more difficult than the first.

“Does getting a baby have to do with “the sexy”? she asked, now beaming with a devilish grin. This wasn’t just a question it was a whopper.

I was glad I was driving so she couldn’t see my eyes grow big. ‘The what?’ I wanted to say it out loud but was afraid I’d embarrass her. I’d never heard the phrase “the sexy” before and wondered if maybe that’s what they called it now. I thought back to a conversation we had shared about a boy in daycare who had referred to one of the older girls as “sexy” and how I had told her that it wasn’t appropriate for him to have said that. She could have heard the word “sex” somewhere and had gotten the two words confused. After all, “sex” is close to “sexy”, sometimes even in real life. I had no idea where “the” came from.

I was lost in thought over what else she might have heard at daycare when I heard her repeat the question. “Does it involve the sexy?”

I didn’t know what to address first - her phrase “the sexy” or the question, itself. I decided to ignore the phrase for now. I simply answered “yes, honey, it does.” There, I’d said it.
“Oh!” she gushed. I had just confirmed her suspicion. She continued with other questions, like “do only grownups do the sexy?”, and “have you and daddy done the sexy?, and “does it involve getting naked?”

This can’t be happening, I thought. Wasn’t “the talk” something mom’s gave their pre-teens? I thought that I’d have at least five more years to prepare for it. I mean, I can barely explain digestion let alone “the sexy”. But just as strong as my desire to change the subject was my realization that this was an opportunity to open a dialogue about sex, myself, before she learned about it from her friends or a school health teacher. It was also a chance to demonstrate to my daughter that she could talk to me about anything. ANYTHING. This was an important moment, indeed.

I took a deep breath, reminded myself that honesty is the best policy and answered her questions without pausing, in case I lost my nerve. “Yes, mommy and daddy have done the sexy…It is only for grownups...It involves getting naked.” When I finished talking I could see that she was thinking about what I had said. After a few minutes, to my surprise, she commented “that’s why you have to be married to have a baby, because the mommy and daddy see each other’s nakedness” (actually nakedudity, as we call in our house). Good, I thought, she connected the whole thing with marriage. Whew!

Then she counted up the number of children in our family and said, “that means you and daddy had the sexy two times and Rachael’s mom and dad had it three times.” Rachael is her best friend whose mom just had a baby. “Yes, honey, that’s true”, I answered, smiling at her comment; two times - if she only knew!

That was the end of her questions and I was relieved there weren’t more. I felt like I did when I had just finished jogging a short distance after not exercising for a while: This had been a good first run but I was glad it was over. I didn’t want to interrupt her thoughts but decided I should close the topic for now, telling her there was more I wanted to talk to her about, but not today, and that we’d continue the conversation another time. I added that I’d always be there to answer her questions. “Ok, thanks mommy”, she said, sounding happy with that.

I don’t know what I had been picturing but it certainly wasn’t having “the talk” with a 7-year-old girl, but I admit I was pleased with how it went. I was also amazed at my daughter’s openness and that she felt comfortable enough to ask me these things at all. At seven I was too timid to ask even simple questions and here she was courageously asking the big ones.

You come to motherhood carrying both the good memories and the scars from your own childhood. You’re determined to do some things the same and some things differently – without knowing what ‘differently’ really entails. For me, ‘differently’ meant creating an environment where my daughters would have the confidence to speak their minds on matters big or small and to ask questions - about anything. After “the talk” ended and as I finished the drive home, it dawned on me that somehow I actually had accomplished that and I couldn’t help but feel proud - of my daughter and myself.

When I got to work on the Monday after Mother’s Day a co-worker asked me how my Mother’s Day was. I thought back to “the talk” and my daughter’s courageous questions and answered, “it was amazing.”

Just like motherhood.

The Laws of Physics and Changing Your Life
All shoplifters will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
No speeding.
No parking without a permit.
Curb your dog.
No littering.
No loitering.

Laws like these are part of our collective experience. Although we sometimes have to make more of a conscious effort to obey them, like when we are driving and choose to obey the speed, we accept them regardless of whether or not we are conscious of their direct influence in our lives. We see laws as an acceptable consequence of living in a civil society and know they ultimately bring order to the society in which we live.

What about the laws we can’t see, like the laws of physics? What influence do they have on us and what principles can we learn from them? I’ve been thinking about physics lately because I read it is the World Year of Physics 2005 (for more information visit http://www.physics2005.org/). When I first discovered it I thought, The World Year of What? I didn’t know a celebration of Physics even existed. Then I started to read a little about physics and this physicist guy named Sir Isaac Newton, and about his Laws of Motion and I was hooked.

Did you know that every time you get up from a chair, pick up a book or do something as simple as moving your pen you are demonstrating Newton’s First Law of Motion? In this First Law Newton states that if there is no net force acting on an object then the object will remain at a constant velocity. If that velocity is zero then the object remains at rest. You might know it better as “an object at rest tends to stay at rest”. Newton was apparently describing me. When I’m at rest I tend to stay at rest for as long as I can. (and hit the snooze button to make sure I don’t stay at rest for too long).

This First Law of Motion basically says that objects tend to keep on doing what they're doing. In fact, says Newton, it is the natural tendency of objects to resist changes in their state of motion. He called this tendency inertia. Say it with me: INERTIA: the tendency to resist changes. I think we’ve all been there. I also think Newton was on to something big.

We typically blame our inaction on many things, such as being tired, not feeling motivated, or whatever we can think of (or whomever we can blame) at the moment. After reading about inertia, though, I think we should place blame where it belongs - on good old, constant, inertia.

Listen to how these excuses sound if we blame inertia: “I’d go for a walk with you but I’ve got this inertia and won’t be able to make it today .” “I’d really like to take that course but I don’t see how I can with all this inertia going on.” “I can’t invite them over. I’ve had inertia all week and the apartment is a mess.” You see, we’re not lazy, tired or unmotivated to change our lives: we are under the influence of inertia. The good news is that there is a remedy for inertia and it’s called net force.

Inanimate objects have it so easy. All an inanimate object has to do is sit there and wait for something to come in contact with it (net force) for it to be set in motion (for example, think of a tennis ball being sent over the net by a racquet). We humans, on the other hand, don’t have it so easy. There is no racquet that is going to propel us into the futures we imagine. For us it is our body that acts as the net force that gets us in motion and moves us in a particular direction, one anti-inertia net force step at a time. Every time we choose to move our bodies we are, quite literally, forces to be reckoned with - or more accurately - net forces to be reckoned with.

In honor of The World Year of Physics 2005 I am proposing that we become net forces in our own lives, get our bodies into motion, start moving in the direction we want to go and living like it’s the first day of the rest of our awesome lives!

After all, what have we got to lose but a little inertia!

Coffee on the roof of my car
It was like I had trained for this even all my life. I had 30 minutes to pick up some much-needed socks for my daughters at Zeller’s, return videos to the nearby Blockbuster, pick up a few dollar store loot bag goodies for my 5 yr.-old’s birthday party, drop by the bank machine and most importantly pick up a large, double double at Tim Horton’s. This was today’s lunch time sprint and I was ready. Of course I didn’t build in time for actually eating any lunch - the coffee would have to.

Twenty-eight minutes later I returned to my car, having completed all my tasks in record time, my heart still racing from my store-to-store sprinting. I admit that I felt a little smug at my accomplishment and relieved I had gotten everything done.

Back inside the car, bags strewn carelessly beside me in the passenger seat, I began backing out of the parking spot when I noticed a guy looking at me. He was a full row away but it was clear he was definitely staring at me. I gathered up my courage and looked in his direction and he didn’t look away. "OK, this isn’t all in my head," I thought, quickly looking away from him to begin, again, to back out my car.

I was curious to see if he was still looking but wondered why he would be. Not only was I wearing no makeup, but I was also in my least favorite, slightly frumpy pants outfit so I knew I couldn't be attracting attention with my fashion sense. It’s not that I wanted this stranger to be interested in me, either. Truth is I really only want my husband of 14 years to notice me, which he still does, even when I’m without makeup and in my least favorite, slightly frumpy pants outfit. I wondered what other reason for there could be for this guy’s attention.

I fought the urge to look over at him again, deciding to just look behind me and continue backing out. When I swung my head around, though, I couldn’t ignore the fact that this guy was now waving both arms in the air, forming the letter X above his head as his arms crossed and uncrossed. OK, he had my attention. I opened my passenger window and leaned toward it. He began pointing toward my car and yelling loudly, "your coffee is on the roof of your car!"

I laughed, returning a loud and heart-felt "Thank you!" before retrieving my beloved coffee from the roof, taking a big gulp and driving off. Heading back to the office, I chuckled and shook my head every time I pictured myself driving away with my coffee on my roof - and the awful splat I would have heard eventually.

I was still proud of my lunchtime performance but had to laugh that for all my planning (and smugness) I still left my coffee on the roof of my car. I found myself thinking about how during a day you can experience both moments of accomplishment and failure, success and embarrassment, frustration and exhilaration. Even when your plan seems to be working perfectly, something can still go wrong. That’s just life - real life.

Even with 15 years of experience working in graphic design, marketing communications, publishing and, at one time, running my own book layout freelance business, I am still learning, growing, striving, achieving - and making mistakes. I’m a woman involved in the world of business but mostly I’m a woman in the business of living. Aren’t we all?

As the new Editor for the Women in Business I want to make sure everyone feels welcome in this section. Women in Business is for real women, like you and me. It’s for women who are working - at a career or at home, with children or without, who wear several hats in a day or just one, who have dreams, are pursuing passions and endeavoring to make a better life for themselves and those around them. I’m not perfect but I’m striving to be the best I can be in all areas of my life - my real life. There are failures but also successes and I know I can accomplish great things every day. I just have to check the roof of my car every now and then.